Hannah's hope

This past week has been a very intersting one for me. I've been thinking a lot about the future, more specifically having babies. I came to some very sad realizations at the begining of the week that ripped my heart apart. I've known these things for a long time but they've resurfaced and hit me really hard. I automatically went to the Lord....

He responded to me in a very powerful way. I have NEVER felt the Lord's presence SO strong than at that moment. He prompted me to look on the library's website for books on dealing with infertility......I literally started to shake. I had found it! The title..."Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Inertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss." As if the title wasn't enough the book is my favoite color; yellow. AND as I started to read I learned that the author has endometriosis (the reason I'm worried about my own future) and works at a Crisis Pregnancy Center type-thing (my dream job). It's crazy!

I know that I am not even married yet, and that I may be too young to even think about how many kids I want to have...but I can't help it! It's the thing that I'm passionate about! It's the thing that I long for! I can't help but think about it!

I've learned though that my weakness lies in the fact that I have always had difficulty in giving the Lord total control over my life. I don't know why but I have a hard time putting all my trust in Him. It doesn't make any sense but that the thing that I struggle with the most. I'm working my hardest to overcome it!